Can I say, Laura, how much I enjoy reading your thoughts and explanations. I enjoy the depth and subtlety of your music. For sometimes less is more and it seems to me that you are an exponent of the profound via the apparently simple. So, thank you.
So so lovely. And amazing the transformations we undergo as we move through life, have children, and experience the cruelty and beauty of this place in its fullness.
I, too, have never liked the idea of confining my beliefs to one religion or system, even if my journey may have been smoother had I "picked a lane". Sometimes it feels like I'm chasing my tail, always seeking a new angle, but when I try to be a better person and allow myself to fully pay attention to my life and dreams, synchronicities happen. Then it truly seems there is something beyond explanation going on. Your painting is magical, by the way.
I'm not sure even Lorrie Moore, one of my favorite writers, could have put it more eloquently than you have--"Lacan? Oh fuck off" seems perfect! Unless there's another one where she mentions him, the story is "Community Life" from "Birds of America." The character Olena is explaining how she became a librarian:
“I first went to graduate school to be an English professor.” She sighed, switched elbows, sinking her chin into her other hand. “I did try,” she said. “I read Derrida. I read Lacan. I read Reading Lacan. I read ‘Reading Reading Lacan’—and that’s when I applied to library school.”
“I don’t know who Lacan is,” he said.
“He’s, well—you see? That’s why I like libraries: No whos or whys. Just ‘where is it?’”'
Anyway, it's very interesting to read your thoughts on religion, belief, morality. (And Jim Keltner! What would I not give to hear that unreleased album of yours he played on? Maybe a single track could be shared here? Keltner, unofficial Traveling Wilbury, credits too numerous to mention, drummer in Dylan's Christian band and playing with him again this summer on the Outlaw Tour with Willie Nelson!) These missives are a highlight whenever they appear in my inbox. And speaking of Dylan, I am still hoping to hear a cover of "Up To Me"--your rendition in Seattle was so damn good!
I think that must be the quote - thank you for finding it. Read Birds of America a few years ago while I was doing my studies and trying to get my head around Lacan, so was delighted to find someone I admire be so perfectly dismissive of him - another nice bit of synchronicity.
I can relate to some of this. I almost got baptised into the Eastern Orthodox Church last April (I’m 44 this year) but changed my mind at the last minute after reading lots of James Tabor. I now flit between nihilism and deism. Thank you for the wonderful writing.
You give voice and form here (with a rich range of references, yet again) to various ideas and experiences that I think a lot of people (myself included) have felt but not necessarily questioned, dwelt upon or known how to describe. Thank you!
From my (extensive) Therapy sessions one of things I practice is ‘The Light Stream Technique’ as part of EMDR. I find it so useful & it always surprises me how attributing a colour to that light reveals a lot about the state I’m in or desire to be.
Your Substack has quickly become one of my very favourite reads. Thank you Laura.
"christian rock tapes" ha! Took me back to the first time I heard a christian rock song (and by rock, I mean it has distorted guitar sounds all over it). It's the song Hosanna by Hillsong United, and actually liked it. This was an interesting read, Laura. I've always wondered what you meant by the God line in your song For You. Now I know :)
laura, your publications genuinely make me smile and are such a wonderful thing to come home to after a long day of school. thanks so much for continuing to be so authentic and for sharing a part of your soul with us.
This is such a wonderful piece of writing. As someone who finds parody and abhorrence in everything pertaining to religion - but as a single father since my young son’s mother passed from cancer - I often find myself in a state of wonder and why, anger and flux, and the absolute state of it all, simultaneously urging some entity to protect my son while cursing the very same for the loss of his mother. That golden light can be annoyingly equivocal.
Also, No One’s Gonna Love You Like I Can is utterly wonderful, and, personally, entirely appropriate in this context!
As a child, I was afraid of the dark and when I laid my head down for sleep I used to try to battle the darkness by imaging a white light speckled with gold bursting through it. This is a practice that never ended and never fails to break through my anxiety and the shadows of my past. I’ve learned to call this my God, and believe wholly that it is YHWH. As a new Christian, I still struggle to enjoy Christian music— I find that God reaches out to me through other means and calls me to worship through songwriting rather than reciting old hymns with no will for confession. My God is bigger than that. He’s the breaker of bonds, a fighter for freedom. He does not live in the church and only come out on Sundays when we sing “This is My Father’s World” for the zillionth time. He is in our beds, he is in our children. He had spoken to me through your songs, too! I’m so grateful that you have started writing since becoming a mother. I am a year younger than you and have been a mother for a decade— I’m excited to follow your journey.
This is a brilliant piece of writing. I feel exactly the same, I really want to find a home but I just don’t quite fit. I’ve explored various versions of Christianity and Buddhism but never felt comfortable to fit neatly into a category. David Hume is great isn’t he :-) and you are so right that academia can also have its limitations. I’m avoiding the temptation to write paragraphs of reaction to this piece. The taps dripping is interesting, a belief in and fear of God wrath was probably what led to me developing OCD. The psychological impact of a belief in God seems to vary considerably depending on the psychological make up of the individual. For those with an anxious disposition it can be damaging rather than reassuring. My favourite so far, great writing Laura.
P.S the new song is superb, as an agnostic I particularly appreciate the wonderful line that if life is just a dream, I’m going to make it mean something worth a damn
Keltner was Ethan’s idea - and as we were making the record in LA we got him down to the studio to play on a few tracks - meeting him was the only good thing to come out of that session, he’s a radiant human. Thankfully, abandoning an album has only happened to me once - it was a scary and costly process.
As you might imagine, given it was abandonded - it’s not worth revisiting. I think a few songs were re-worked for short movie but I don’t even remember any of the others. A failed crop, you might say.
Can I say, Laura, how much I enjoy reading your thoughts and explanations. I enjoy the depth and subtlety of your music. For sometimes less is more and it seems to me that you are an exponent of the profound via the apparently simple. So, thank you.
So so lovely. And amazing the transformations we undergo as we move through life, have children, and experience the cruelty and beauty of this place in its fullness.
I, too, have never liked the idea of confining my beliefs to one religion or system, even if my journey may have been smoother had I "picked a lane". Sometimes it feels like I'm chasing my tail, always seeking a new angle, but when I try to be a better person and allow myself to fully pay attention to my life and dreams, synchronicities happen. Then it truly seems there is something beyond explanation going on. Your painting is magical, by the way.
I'm not sure even Lorrie Moore, one of my favorite writers, could have put it more eloquently than you have--"Lacan? Oh fuck off" seems perfect! Unless there's another one where she mentions him, the story is "Community Life" from "Birds of America." The character Olena is explaining how she became a librarian:
“I first went to graduate school to be an English professor.” She sighed, switched elbows, sinking her chin into her other hand. “I did try,” she said. “I read Derrida. I read Lacan. I read Reading Lacan. I read ‘Reading Reading Lacan’—and that’s when I applied to library school.”
“I don’t know who Lacan is,” he said.
“He’s, well—you see? That’s why I like libraries: No whos or whys. Just ‘where is it?’”'
Anyway, it's very interesting to read your thoughts on religion, belief, morality. (And Jim Keltner! What would I not give to hear that unreleased album of yours he played on? Maybe a single track could be shared here? Keltner, unofficial Traveling Wilbury, credits too numerous to mention, drummer in Dylan's Christian band and playing with him again this summer on the Outlaw Tour with Willie Nelson!) These missives are a highlight whenever they appear in my inbox. And speaking of Dylan, I am still hoping to hear a cover of "Up To Me"--your rendition in Seattle was so damn good!
I think that must be the quote - thank you for finding it. Read Birds of America a few years ago while I was doing my studies and trying to get my head around Lacan, so was delighted to find someone I admire be so perfectly dismissive of him - another nice bit of synchronicity.
Thanks for this beautiful writing. I can relate to much of it. Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
I can relate to some of this. I almost got baptised into the Eastern Orthodox Church last April (I’m 44 this year) but changed my mind at the last minute after reading lots of James Tabor. I now flit between nihilism and deism. Thank you for the wonderful writing.
You give voice and form here (with a rich range of references, yet again) to various ideas and experiences that I think a lot of people (myself included) have felt but not necessarily questioned, dwelt upon or known how to describe. Thank you!
Mermaids.... a theme that keeps popping up frequently and randomly! I need to rewatch that movie!
From my (extensive) Therapy sessions one of things I practice is ‘The Light Stream Technique’ as part of EMDR. I find it so useful & it always surprises me how attributing a colour to that light reveals a lot about the state I’m in or desire to be.
Your Substack has quickly become one of my very favourite reads. Thank you Laura.
S xx
"christian rock tapes" ha! Took me back to the first time I heard a christian rock song (and by rock, I mean it has distorted guitar sounds all over it). It's the song Hosanna by Hillsong United, and actually liked it. This was an interesting read, Laura. I've always wondered what you meant by the God line in your song For You. Now I know :)
laura, your publications genuinely make me smile and are such a wonderful thing to come home to after a long day of school. thanks so much for continuing to be so authentic and for sharing a part of your soul with us.
https://humanists.international/what-is-humanism/the-amsterdam-declaration/
This is such a wonderful piece of writing. As someone who finds parody and abhorrence in everything pertaining to religion - but as a single father since my young son’s mother passed from cancer - I often find myself in a state of wonder and why, anger and flux, and the absolute state of it all, simultaneously urging some entity to protect my son while cursing the very same for the loss of his mother. That golden light can be annoyingly equivocal.
Also, No One’s Gonna Love You Like I Can is utterly wonderful, and, personally, entirely appropriate in this context!
As a child, I was afraid of the dark and when I laid my head down for sleep I used to try to battle the darkness by imaging a white light speckled with gold bursting through it. This is a practice that never ended and never fails to break through my anxiety and the shadows of my past. I’ve learned to call this my God, and believe wholly that it is YHWH. As a new Christian, I still struggle to enjoy Christian music— I find that God reaches out to me through other means and calls me to worship through songwriting rather than reciting old hymns with no will for confession. My God is bigger than that. He’s the breaker of bonds, a fighter for freedom. He does not live in the church and only come out on Sundays when we sing “This is My Father’s World” for the zillionth time. He is in our beds, he is in our children. He had spoken to me through your songs, too! I’m so grateful that you have started writing since becoming a mother. I am a year younger than you and have been a mother for a decade— I’m excited to follow your journey.
This is a brilliant piece of writing. I feel exactly the same, I really want to find a home but I just don’t quite fit. I’ve explored various versions of Christianity and Buddhism but never felt comfortable to fit neatly into a category. David Hume is great isn’t he :-) and you are so right that academia can also have its limitations. I’m avoiding the temptation to write paragraphs of reaction to this piece. The taps dripping is interesting, a belief in and fear of God wrath was probably what led to me developing OCD. The psychological impact of a belief in God seems to vary considerably depending on the psychological make up of the individual. For those with an anxious disposition it can be damaging rather than reassuring. My favourite so far, great writing Laura.
P.S the new song is superb, as an agnostic I particularly appreciate the wonderful line that if life is just a dream, I’m going to make it mean something worth a damn
I am interested in the record you had to abandon, has this happened a lot and how did you get involved with the great Jim Keltner ?
Keltner was Ethan’s idea - and as we were making the record in LA we got him down to the studio to play on a few tracks - meeting him was the only good thing to come out of that session, he’s a radiant human. Thankfully, abandoning an album has only happened to me once - it was a scary and costly process.
Was looking for this comment. I’d love to hear the track list for this album
As you might imagine, given it was abandonded - it’s not worth revisiting. I think a few songs were re-worked for short movie but I don’t even remember any of the others. A failed crop, you might say.